I bought a tee-shirt for my monkey many years ago at a souvenir stand in the Kingdome. It has long blue sleeves, otherwise is white, with a star on the front and the Mariners trident over the star. Like I said it was many years ago, probably back when George Arduous owned the team.
The attendant at the souvenir kiosk asked if he could help. I said I was looking for a Mariner tee for a baby. When he asked how old the baby was I realized I was caught. I told the truth, that it was for my monkey. Talk about embarrassment; you see, I left out one word. The word being ‘stuffed.’ No, not stuffed by a taxidermist, but stuffed like a teddy bear.
So why did I buy my teddy monkey a baby tee-shirt? Because it was given to me as one of many Easter presents by my then girlfriend who a few years later put me on irrevocable waivers. It proved a setback to my career, as I bounced around quite a bit, collecting lots of waivers in the process. There is something about a stuffed monkey and in a Mariner tee that is off-putting to women, but it took me years to realize it. I was told it would have been better if he-for it is a he-wore a Yankee tee.
But the attendant was helpful and picked one that Alvin still wears; Alvin so named for Alvin Davis, one of the M’s first big stars. Currently Alvin-not Davis- sits on a couch in my bedroom, but after well over twenty years together I am going to give him a new home. I emailed an agency that shelters abused women and their children. They never answered back. They also put me on waivers. I think I will give him to some friends who have two young girls. The shirt will be optional. Alvin may end up with a Bronco tee as their mother is a Denver Bronco fan. When Denver played Seattle in the preseason at the Clink, she was kicked out of the game. She claims she did nothing wrong and after listening to her husbands story I agree.
But since the Seahawks, if they beat the 49’ers Sunday, could play Denver in the Super Bowl, I think I will try the police to see if they know of a shelter where Alvin will be happy. I could not bear to see Alvin in a Bronco tee. I don’t think Alvin would be happy either; he would feel abused.