A modest proposal to end baseball’s drug problem

The steroid era in baseball evolved into the HGH era, and now into the Peds era. Whats next, New Zealand deer antlers? The debate on performance enhancing drugs, its effect on baseball’s cherished record book, and who deserves the Hall of Fame is nearing critical mass. But there is a solution.

List of Major League Baseball players suspende...

List of Major League Baseball players suspended for performance-enhancing drugs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Consider the other ongoing baseball debate, one that has lasted decades, that being the DH. The American League has it, the National league doesn’t. Two leagues, two styles of play. I think you know where I am going. Yes, two leagues, one for players who use performance enhancing drugs; and one for clean, natural players, those that don’t lie to Congress, those that don’t deny, deny, deny, then hold a press conference and say I am sorry.

It is the best way to solve the debate. Two leagues, no interleague play, other than the much anticipated World Series. Fans who find nothing wrong with enhancement can have their league and those who like the natural play can enjoy their league. Of course, should a clean player get caught, he goes on waivers to the other league. A druggie, however, can not get cleaned up and request to play in the natural league. He can not be trusted, and like Lindsay Lohan, is a high risk to fall off the rehab wagon.

Baseball should be played on the diamond not in the court. This proposal gets baseball back on the field. We do however, have to rename the leagues. One is the HGH League, which stands for Honor Goes to Hell. They can take whatever they want. A player can even go retro for Turn Back the Clock promotion. Instead of HGH, players can take uppers, downers, bennies, greenies, all those old school drugs. Cocaine, Mary Jane, whatever. I miss the good old days, back when testing was testing, no masking.

The other league could be called the Redford League, for he was The Natural, a true hero. I am open to other suggestions. Feel free to offer yours.


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