Introducing my new researcher for Seattle Mariners

I need to do some housekeeping and correction. In my previous blog I mentioned that the Mariners had a 51% drop in attendence the last ten years, which leads all franchises in all sports. I attributed that statistic to Forbes magazine. The source was incorrect, as in dead wrong. It was the website 24/7 Wall Street that published the information. My apologies to those who read the blog citing the wrong source. I have since corrected the blog. But I had  to fire my Mariner insider/ researcher/ informant, who was responsible for giving me the wrong source.

I can not afford to have misinformation clogging up Cyberspace.

Not to worry for him though. He has been promoted by the Mariners to Director of Public Misinformation and Confusion. His new job requires him to write press releases for the Mariners, the kind that says the Mariners would welcome the NBA and the Seattle Sonics to the Northwest, as well as the new arena being built by Chris Hanson. Just as long as it is not in the Mariners backyard,of course, preferring the Sonics play not in SoDo, but someplace else, like Spokane. My former researcher will do a good job.

sonics_1526c

sonics_1526c (Photo credit: Bellevue Fine Art Repro (Scott))

I have hired a new researcher with better credentials. She is a tall, willowly blonde, and former cheerleader for Alabama. Roll Tide. When I told her spring begins in December in the Northwest, and that the rain is merely spring showers, she decided to wear a bikini to work. I am now increasing my blog’s from three times a week, to three times a day.

On the downside, when asked in the interview process if she knows who Babe Ruth is, she thought I was asking her if she knew the name of my girlfriend. Nor does she know who Ken Griffey Jr. is, or Albert Pujols, Josh Hamilton, Buster Posey (is that what you call a bouquet of those flowers she answered), Justin Verlander, or any players I named.

She also thinks a sacrifice fly is a dead fly used as bait to catch and kill more flies. When I asked about hit and run, she said she had been cleared of those charges after 240 hours of community service. How can you not love this girl. She is community oriented.

But I am all about giving chances to those who show initiative and desire to succeed.

The girl in the photo above is not my new researcher, by the way. I must keep my new assistant’s identity secret for legal reasons. But I thought the Sonic cheerleader photo would be better than a Chone Figgins photo. 

On the plus side she makes the best chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal, date cookies. I am eating one of those monster’s right now while she sits on the sofa in her bikini sorting through my baseball cards, organinzing them alphabetically by color. Roll Tide.

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