Mariners World Series on My Bucket List-and more

If you were to tell me that Terrell Owens would be a Seattle Seahawk before the Seattle Mariners won a World Series, I would give you the name of  my therapist.

English: Terrell Owens (T.O.) autographing for...

English: Terrell Owens (T.O.) autographing for fans at training camp in Oxnard, CA (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Owens has not yet made the team, but still.

Seeing the Mariners win a World Series is on my bucket list. It is getting shorter, because I have smoked a cigarette, drank a beer, and had sex, so I can cross off those three. They were fulfilled on separate days because I did not want to overdo it. You have to pace yourself; relish each item you cross off.

Still on the list is my dream of a slender, long-legged, long-haired blonde, who bakes chocolate chip cookies and likes to watch football with me on Sunday while wearing a string bikini. I will be placing an ad on Craigslist soon.

Also on my list is to ride a zebra into remote areas of Africa seeking pygmy cannibals and develop a basketball league for them. No dunking allowed; nor eating fans. It is my way of bringing America to the world. If you want to contribute to this fund, please let me know.

Another item on the list is refining my formula for invisibilty.  This way I can get into Mariner games for free, not to mention other areas, venues, and fun things where invisibility would be an asset. Use your imagination. Some of the formula is a mixture of invisible ink, chalk dust, Martian slime, a snorkel, and my personality.

The item on my list that is within reach because it is working as I type, is to live forever. I know this is working because I have yet to die. And since I have no plans to do so, I am making great headway.

Variant on a bikini

Variant on a bikini (Photo credit: manos_simonides)

The most difficult item on the list, the one I will never see, the one most improbable, the most impossible, is the Mariners winning a World Series. I will be content though with the blonde.

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