In 1967 my mother and I were abducted by aliens. True story. There were no probes, nothing sinister that you hear about from so-called abductees. Those people are making bogus claims, looking for attention, nothing else.
The aliens told us not to listen to those reports. The thought of doing probes was unthinkable to them, it made them nauseous. No, they merely wanted to tell us about magnetic fields and vortexes and how to spot them, so we would know they were experimenting nearby and not to worry.
Here is what they told me. My mother fell asleep during this class as our alien teacher was boring, but I sat up when he mentioned baseball. He said if there was a baseball field with normal dimensions that looked to be a hitters park, but wasn’t , then be assured they were playing around with magnetic fields. The Mariners could not hit at Safeco, could not hit home runs, could not do much of anything.
So I knew what the aliens were up to. But the aliens have left, for they said if things changed and a team started to bang out base hits and score runs, then the experiment was over. Well the Mariners are doing that, having won seven of nine since Ichiro was traded. Coincidence? Whose to say.
But the aliens said there would be changes and with the hits and runs, I take that to mean they have left. The Mariners are now out of the twilight zone; they have been returned from the outer limits.
You are probably asking yourself why my mother and I were chosen. They told me I won a random drawing, that there was nothing special about me, just my number came up. My mother was chosen because when they snuck into our house to abduct me, they ate some of her chocolate chip cookies, loved them, and took her and the cookies.
The bottom line is, it was not the weather at Safeco, not the cold air, not the bad hitters. It was alien experiments. Now concluded, the Mariners will continue to thrive. By the way, aliens are not short and grey. They are round blubber balls with a burnt orange hue.