Pitchers like to talk into their gloves. Infielders and catchers also implement this act when visiting the mound, although I would think the catcher’s mitt, with its thick padding, would muffle his voice. Outfielders are aloof, above it all, and wonder what is going on. So do I.
There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear.
There’s a lip reader over there. Telling me I got to beware.
Paranoia strikes deep. Into your life it will creep.
The pitcher is afraid there is a lip reader sitting in the stands, or the dugout, or watching from the other team’s clubhouse, and any one of them will relay vital information that the pitcher speaks to the batter who will do something that sends the pitcher to the showers.
But the one man who has the most to say, the manager, never talks into his hat when visiting the mound. Nor does he ask for a glove to talk into. The manager is bold in speaking his mind in the open, daring any lip reader to read is quick moving lips. If the manager is not worried why should the pitcher. There must be more going on.
I think the lip reader thing is a ruse. Here are ten possibilities of what is actually going on when the pitcher seems to be talking into his glove:
1. The pitcher likes licking the glove because he has a leather fetish.
2. He has a hidden pocket in the glove from which he can eat candy.
3. He is concocting a glob of spit and mucus for his spit ball.
4. He is embarrassed by the way he is pitching and wants to hide his face
5. He is pretending to be a spy.
6. When done eating his candy a picture of Megan Fox is revealed for him to ogle.
7. He is watching You Tube videos on his smart phone.
8. Using glove as protection for fear the manager will punch him in the face.
9. He is hiding his face because there are warrants for his arrest.
10. He ran out of Kleenex for his runny nose.
These scenarios are just as realistic as lip readers.
What a field day for the fans
Thousand of people in the stands
Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly say hooray for our side
I think its time we stop
Everybody look what’s going down
My thanks to Buffalo Springfield for somewhat fracturing their lyrics from “For What it’s Worth”